Accept What Your Mama Gave Ya

I had lunch today with my long time friend and counselor Juan, the founder of DYLUS. We had lunch at El Cristo, a small Cuban restaurant here in Little Havana. Our conversation led him to tell me about the Paradoxical Theory of Change, a theory first written about by Arnold Beisser, M.D. in his 1970 article by the same name. The linked article states the theory as this; change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. The article then states that, "Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is -- to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible."

About ten years ago another long time friend, Ralph, the director of Concept House in Miami, in a conversation we were having, quoted J. Krishnamurti. I can't find this quote attributed to Krishnamurti on-line but I'm going to state it here for now; "The truth is never found in a different set of circumstances. The truth is only found in the now." This quote mirrors the PTofC. By accepting who I am now in my current circumstances and allowing myself to be who I am I can experience the truth of who I am.

In her award winning essay, The Case for Going Gentle, inspired by Dr. Beisser, Ruth Lampert connects the PTofC to the Serenity Prayer recited at many meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. The prayer asks for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I her article Lampert describes acceptance of self as a prerequisite for changing oneself.

Well how do we know who we are? If we're trying to improve our lives and we've read this theory and it makes sense to us and we want to implement it into our lives then whow can we get an accurate idea of who we authentically are? Juan suggests we can easily access who we really are by looking at our history.

So I'm going to take a quick look at my history and see what I can put together as a template for "who I am". I want to keep this very simple and decide "who I am" from my past actions and the consequences of my life, not from ideas or fears.
I'd say that my history shows that alcohol and recreational drug use don't work in my life.
When I studied at UM I studied writing so I'll begin to write regularly. I've also always been drawn to human experience via philosophy, art, nature and religion, so I'll integrate these into my life.
I'm going to try not to criticize myself when I don't meet whatever standards I set for myself. If I over sleep, so what, that's what I wanted to do and I did it. I don't want to be consistently lazy but if I am sometimes then that's part of what I need to accept about myself before I can change.
With time and acceptance more of who I am will be revealed to me. As I accept what is revealed, both the good stuff as well as the dark and nasty, I'll allow change and growth to happen.


   

A bomb went off. And I survived.

I feel as if a bomb went off next to me. Actually I'm sitting at home now writing and feeling relived but that's how I felt these last few hours of this Thanksgiving holiday.
I've been sober for 24 days today.
My parents have been divorced since I was 12 and every year since then my brothers and I have spent about four to five hours at each of their homes on Thanksgiving. It's never been easy for me to deal with this, I don't know why. For the most part I've usually felt like shit on  this day.
I've been preparing myself for the last week or so by practicing acceptance, being in the now, and praying. I also new that I wanted to be of service while I was at lunch at my father's home and dinner at my mom's.

       WORK IN PROGRESS

Im a turkey when it comes to relationships

In honor of Thanksgiving, the beginning of the end for the American Indians, but also a day on which I will begin to practice gratitude, I offer you, my faithful readers, this excerpt from a talk given by Werner Erhard on the Experience of Love in 1973, Love. Why? I'm not sure. I'm not really even sure if this guy has any idea what he's talking about but the first time I read this I felt and itch on my left elbow, and that might mean something. Also, familial relationships, actually human relationships, for me, can be a challenge to create and foster. I'm beginning to think that acceptance is the solution to this issue. I hope you enjoy this excerpt.

Love 

The Exile

On a corner in Little Havana off SW 8th Street live two heavy and scared oak trees whose limbs stretch out over and across the street. Under the old oaks shade sits a restaurant with a counter window at which business men, mothers to be, or one of the old men sitting close by might greet someone with a handshake or a kiss, and order a Cuban coffee.

Inside the restaurant, tiled in blue, walls covered with black and white photographs of young baseball players and graduating classes, passed the counter behind which a barrel-chested man shouts, laughs, and cuts slices off a cured pork leg, five small square tables, made of dark brown laminated wood, have been brought together making one long one.

The table, unlike the restaurant, is uncomfortably crowed with extending family. I sit at the far end, the head of the table. On my left, my mother, light blond hiding her roots. My right, my father’s blue business shirt and his heavy breath of fried steak and black beans. Next to him, his wife, black hairspray, is rhythmically tapping the tips of her finger nails on the table.

My father smiles at my mother, Gloria, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out his old lucky coin engraved with the face of Jose Marti, his poet/warrior hero. “What is that” she asks, “deja me ver”, and he reaches across to hand her the coin. Gloria stretches her arm to take the coin; her hand crosses the divide between my parents, I can smell my father’s shirt, their hands stop, suspended, on the coin.

They might touch.

The point of touching.

Outside, an old man’s sand paper skin irritates a baby’s chubby hand.

A waitress lightly runs her fingers across the barrel-chested man’s shoulder blades.

Another slice of pork slowly slides off the knife. A neon sign floats in the window.   

My hands lie flat on the table, disturbed by the illegal trade,

Holding on.


written February 2004

Alan Watts & Chögyam Trungpa - Right Here And Now

Tao Te Ching: 1

About 10 years ago a teacher with whom I met often suggested that I skim the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. At the time I was going through a "what does it all mean" stage. That has never really changed for me. At times I've tried to avoid finding meaning and purpose in my life but I always return to this personal search. Currently that search includes again reading and thinking about the Tao Te Ching. I'm fascinated by Lao Tzu's ideas. So I'm going to included my interpretations of the 81 poems in the book here in this blog
Tao Te Ching can be translated as The Book Of The Way. In it Lao Tzu presents his ideas about the way things are and how or where a god or universal creative intelligence may exist.
I will be posting the poems from Stephen Mitchell's translation of the Tao Te Ching then giving my interpretation. I'm writing with the premise that a god, a universal creative intelligence, or a way that makes life work for us does exist. So here goes.


Poem 1

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The Name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnameable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the
manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.


The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The God or the Way which can be spoken of or understood is not the actual God or Way that exists. God is a mystery. There is no absolute truth about God or the Way life works. Once we believe we understand either of these we are veering off the road of understanding.


The Name that can be named
is not the eternal Name. 

The unnameable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.
The physicality of things is an illusion. Nothing is really solid. So the name things are given is the name of something in an illusionary state of solidity. All things are masses of electrons spinning around each other so fast that we perceive the thing as solid. Things are not solid, they are not what they seem. Is there some sort of intelligence that controls the actions of these electrons? If there is that may be The Tao.


Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the
manifestations.
A person addicted to something experiences longing and the consequences of their actions. Free from addiction a person can experience life accurately. Someone that is brokenhearted can not objectively experience the person they desire. If I do not desire a person I can know who they really are.


Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.