Accept What Your Mama Gave Ya

I had lunch today with my long time friend and counselor Juan, the founder of DYLUS. We had lunch at El Cristo, a small Cuban restaurant here in Little Havana. Our conversation led him to tell me about the Paradoxical Theory of Change, a theory first written about by Arnold Beisser, M.D. in his 1970 article by the same name. The linked article states the theory as this; change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. The article then states that, "Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is -- to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible."

About ten years ago another long time friend, Ralph, the director of Concept House in Miami, in a conversation we were having, quoted J. Krishnamurti. I can't find this quote attributed to Krishnamurti on-line but I'm going to state it here for now; "The truth is never found in a different set of circumstances. The truth is only found in the now." This quote mirrors the PTofC. By accepting who I am now in my current circumstances and allowing myself to be who I am I can experience the truth of who I am.

In her award winning essay, The Case for Going Gentle, inspired by Dr. Beisser, Ruth Lampert connects the PTofC to the Serenity Prayer recited at many meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. The prayer asks for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I her article Lampert describes acceptance of self as a prerequisite for changing oneself.

Well how do we know who we are? If we're trying to improve our lives and we've read this theory and it makes sense to us and we want to implement it into our lives then whow can we get an accurate idea of who we authentically are? Juan suggests we can easily access who we really are by looking at our history.

So I'm going to take a quick look at my history and see what I can put together as a template for "who I am". I want to keep this very simple and decide "who I am" from my past actions and the consequences of my life, not from ideas or fears.
I'd say that my history shows that alcohol and recreational drug use don't work in my life.
When I studied at UM I studied writing so I'll begin to write regularly. I've also always been drawn to human experience via philosophy, art, nature and religion, so I'll integrate these into my life.
I'm going to try not to criticize myself when I don't meet whatever standards I set for myself. If I over sleep, so what, that's what I wanted to do and I did it. I don't want to be consistently lazy but if I am sometimes then that's part of what I need to accept about myself before I can change.
With time and acceptance more of who I am will be revealed to me. As I accept what is revealed, both the good stuff as well as the dark and nasty, I'll allow change and growth to happen.